im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize