I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
