loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
