There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
