oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize