i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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