I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
