i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Randomize
