Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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