so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
