dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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