ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize