what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
