when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
