:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize