Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
