Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
