You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
