Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
