You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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