dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
