Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You have to summon your inner elephant
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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