were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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