Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Randomize
