Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Randomize
