it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
