Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
