Joe is yelling at the trees again.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
