Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
