Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The struggles of a small town man whore
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
