i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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