Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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