I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
