The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
