and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
