Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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