haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize