Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
