So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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