Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize