I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
