so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
