I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
