why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
