the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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