my shit smells like andre
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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