I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
