I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize