It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
