As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
