we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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