do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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