Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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