you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
