I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
