Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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