You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
