no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
