At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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