i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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