Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
