hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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