the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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