Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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