I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
