Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
