bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
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