When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
