I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
