She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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