White coat. Heels.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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