but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
