he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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