"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
