Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
