FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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