This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
