Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
