so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
ttyl tear gas
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
