I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
