So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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