Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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