Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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