he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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