Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
