I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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