It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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