sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
