just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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