Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
