Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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