Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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