I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
