she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
