help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
