you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
