Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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