I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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