Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize