I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
