All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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