I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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