At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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