k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
