I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
