Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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