went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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