they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
