how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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